In retrospect, I am blessed with these goodies from this session in Pierrepont:
- dropped the antidepressant Rx drug, Rameron 30mg with tolerable side effects lasting 2 to 3 days. I had been dependent on it over the last 90 days since 5/16/15, for mood and sleep. For 2 or 3 times I forgot the dosage and suffered bad effects. So I am very grateful this time it worked. The problem of taking Rameron is that I have numb sensations through the day. But it does help controlling anxiety and help with concentration n sleep.
Now I am Rameron free, I thus far sleep and feel better stronger too
- in 3 occasions while in Pierrepont, I came to know that the Holy Spirit was bestowed on me albeit for vary amount of time. Friday 10 seconds into worship time at 9:45, I suddenly felt strong joy peace, could not hold back tears for ~30 minutes. If you know me, you would understand that I have been advised by my doctors and therapists to cry when I am in the middle of pain sadness and depression, which was true for the past 1.5 years. But I tried with no avail. My heart seemed to be gripped by fears and worries. A stone could not weep even though I had emotional turmoil on and off with some deep hurts and self hatred in the 1.5 years. Finally, I felt heart softens and my tears washed away some deep shame anguish fears, sad feelings.
On Jesus Heal Saturday I lined up to receive prayer ministry. I was going to ask for peace prayers. Then a strong feeling convicted me: you should ask for the increase of appetite for devotions. So I did and it brought me lasting peace that day. Similar thing happened on Tuesday: I felt led to request prayers on relationship to Taylor. The prayer minister was Ian the husband of Pierrepont housekeeper Sue from South Africa. Ian is the perfect match for my issue because he had 15 years healing his loss of one daughter when she was 18. He relied on alcohol. But then Sue prayed for him 10+ years he eventually born again. Then he could cry for the first time for his daughter who died at 18. He then spent another 5+ years in prayers and mending relationship with second daughter.
- conversed for >4hours with a few good men during my 3 extended days. I felt freedom to share most shameful dark side in me, and asked for ideas how to defeat anxiety if it comes back. Richard Fila suggested to rely on my identity as God's beloved, and not count on myself
We continue to spurt each other on via email
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