Life is a long lessen in humility.
------ James Barrie
I also think it is a devine mechanism to purify hearts so wretchs like me can be broken hearted; Wretches like me can make a u-turn.
Enough is enough though, it is high time for me to focus on:
Practice mercy, embrace compansion, walk with the Holy One in humility.
"To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God" Micah 6:8
Monday, February 25, 2008
Saturday, February 9, 2008
Joe Dassin: Et Si Tu N'existais Pas?
My favorate Valentine's song is Joe Dassin's Et Si Tu N'existais Pas? What if you don't exist?
Et si tu n'existais pas,
Dis-moi pourquoi j'existerais ?
Pour traîner dans un monde sans toi,
Sans espoir et sans regrets.
Et si tu n'existais pas,
J'essaierais d'inventer l'amour,
Naître les couleurs du jour.
Et si tu n'existais pas
Dis-moi pour qui j'existerais
Des passantes endormies dans mes bras
Que je n'aimerais jamais:
Et si tu n'existais pas
Je ne serais qu'un point de plus
Et si tu n'existais pas,
- "Et si" What if
- Eg: Et si on parlait d'amour ? What if we talked about love?
- tu : you
- n'existaias pas: do not exist
Dis-moi pourquoi j'existerais ?
- Pourquoi: why
- Dis-moi: tell me
- j'existerais: short of Je Existerais : I exist?
Pour traîner dans un monde sans toi,
- Pour: for
- Trainer: to pull/drag/wander
- Dans: at
- monde: world
- Un: a
- Sans: without
- Toi: you
Sans espoir et sans regrets.
- Espoir: hope
Et si tu n'existais pas,
J'essaierais d'inventer l'amour,
- essaierais: the future tense (Je form) of essayer - to try
- J'essaierais: I will try
- to create love
- comme: since/as
- peintre: painter
- voit: the second person singular form of voir: to perceive with eyes
- sous: from latin subtus; below/under
- ses: singular, its/his
- doigts: fingers
As the painter sees under his fingers
Naître les couleurs du jour.
- couleurs: colours
- du jour: of a day
- Naitre: to be born
- revient: returns
- n'en revient pas: does not return
- Et qui: and which
Et si tu n'existais pas
Dis-moi pour qui j'existerais
- pour qui: for what
Des passantes endormies dans mes bras
- des: the
- passantes: passer-by
- endormies: asleep
- dans mes bras: in your arms
Que je n'aimerais jamais:
- Que: whom
- aimerais: love (future tense)
- jamais: never
whom I'd never love
Et si tu n'existais pas
Je ne serais qu'un point de plus
- serais: etre (to be) 's single (Je) present, conditional imperative form
- qu'un: just
- I would be but one more point
- vient: go (as in va et vient: coming and going)
- qui va: who goes
- Dans: at/in
- In this world that comes and goes
- perdu: lost
- sentirais: from sentir: to feel. Conditional Je form
- aurais: would have
- besoin de toi: I would have needed you
Et si tu n'existais pas
Dis-moi comment j'existerais
- Dis-moi: tell me
- comment j'existerais: how would I live?
Je pourrais faire semblant d'être moi
- pourrais: conditional future tense of Pouvoir: can, may, to be able to
- faire semblant: to pretend
- etre: to be
- moi: me
Mais je ne serais pas vrai
- vrai: true
- mais: But!
- serais: to be
- But I cannot be true
Et si tu n'existais pas
Je crois que je l'aurais trouvé
- Crois: croire: believe.
- que: whom
- Trouver: to find. Trouve: Je form (present)
- Avoir: to have. The conditional form is aurais.
- I believe what I would have found
Le secret de la vie, le pourquoi
- la vie: the life
- pourquoi: why
- The secrete of live, and why to live
Simplement pour te créer
- creer: to create
- simplement: simply
- Pour: for
- Te: means you.
Et pour te regarder
- regarder: to look at "te" means you.
Mary knoll blessing
This poem I copied from Elezabeth-Bryer Hospital in Ottawa.
Mary knoll blessing
May you listen deeply, cherishing the richness of voices - soft and strong.
May you never weaver in your pursuit of justice, giving yourself in risk, creativity and thoughtfulness.
May you love god with everything in your heart - be it gladness or doubt, fear or playfulness.
May you love deeply the peoples in your walk.
May they love you.
May you live with a spirit of forgiveness, mending what is broken and bridging what is separate.
May you know your weakness and reverence them as special ways to God's tenderness.
May you remember all the loved ones who have helped fashion your life story.
May you take the sadness in your heart and hold them lightly 'till compassion is born- then may you give your compassion away.
Go gently and joyfully in a spirit of truth, as a witness of god's love.
May God watch over you, Jesus walk with you, and the spirit give you courage.
Go to all the ends of the earth and give life.
Monday, February 4, 2008
Loving Memory of Soul Zeng Wang
Loving Memory of Soulzeng Wang, whose soul has
made life worth living to us.
From Dad, Sister and me.
This site is dedicated to the memory of my mother, Soulzeng Wang.
"那落在好土里的，就是人听了道，持守在诚实善良的心里，并且忍耐著结实。” St Luke 8:15
The English version of the article below is EulogyToMomEnglish. As a companion, I wrote WhyBelieve, based on my testimony written June 1994 before I was baptized.
怀念親爱的母親
先慈王守珍女士因癌症扩散, 于2004 年 11月28日下午4时21分在渥太华市Elizabeth-Bruyere医疗中心安息主怀, 享年63岁. 当时陪伴她的有: 她的丈夫, 儿子, 女儿和女婿, 还有教会国语堂的诗班弟兄姊妹.
先慈于1941年9月2日生在四川省彭州市一小商家庭. 1961年成都市省立第15中 高中毕业, 就职于成都市龙泉驿区第一医院. 1966年5月1日嫁随家父曾德宗先生, 育有一儿一女. 她儿女今都成家, 有孙子.孙女及外孙子女各一个.
母親1994年为協助女儿读大学而移居加拿大，住在渥太华市Barrhaven区. 母親平凡一生, 好似“野地的花＂但一直蒙受天父看顾. 今年三月母親在洛杉矶受洗, 成为重生得救的基督徒.
母親一生为人诚恳忠厚,作事专心负责, 吃苦耐劳, 勤俭持家. 对家人细心照料, 对邻舍热忱大方. 好些人, 包括四川老家的亲友, 听到妈妈去世都流泪告诉我妈妈的往事, 这里因时间关系仅从这些感动生命,点点滴滴的插曲中略述一俩件.
下面的故事表现了她对父亲及家人的爱:
我 的祖父,也就是我母親的公公, 因政治犯坐牢多年. 1974年冬天得肺心病, 监狱医院医生发病危书通知家属. 但因怕受牵连, 家人没有敢去探访祖父 (这在文革時代是常见的). 但出于对丈夫的爱, 母親不顾自己前途安危, 头一个跑去看望在病房卧床不起的公公,并倍加服侍.让祖父大受安慰, 也感化了父亲及大伯先后去看望我祖父了. 于是我祖父的求生愿望大增, 很快奇迹般康复出院了.
我母親来加拿大后喜欢种菜. 连续九年瓜菜丰收. 除自用外, 更是分送左邻右舍, 甚至加州的朋友也分到了她所种的冬瓜和种子.
妈
妈烧的川菜名气不小.常有人告诉我:“几年前我吃过你妈妈的川菜， 到现在想起来还流唾液．不知何时还有这样的口福？＂ 今天我会勉励他们:“信主耶稣吧! 以后号角响起时,我们和我母親一同被提后,一定有更好的口福. 因为神应许說:“从东从西、将有许多人来、在天国里与亚伯拉罕、以撒、雅各、一同坐席(太 8:11).“若有听见我声音就开门的、我要进到他那里去、我与他、他与我一同坐席。(启3:20)”况且，天国的宴席绝不会像昨晚加拿大的国宴招待来访 的BUSH总统只限西餐,而无川菜的.
說到食物, 母親成为基督徒之后, 对另一种食物更有兴趣: 那就是属灵的食物.这三个月陪母親与癌症搏斗,见她堅定信靠神的话, 而大得力量. 她每天早晚都在丈夫或儿女陪伴下,读诗篇和其他经文,并按诗篇祷告. 她自始至终都坦然面对死亡. 虽然病魔夺去她肉体,但那美好的仗她已經打過了． 當跑的路她已經跑盡了． 所信的道她已經守住了(提后4:7)． 圣灵所赐給她出人意料的平安, 和那永生的确据,可以勝过苦难輿病痛. 对妈妈而言,“我的肉体、和我的心肠衰残．但 神是我心里的力量、又是我的福分、直到永远。”(詩７３：２５)
当母親知道自己患癌症后, 她内心很坦然. 她对生病并无怨言. 痛得再厉害,她也是默默承受, 不愿惊动他人. 母親的祷告是: 我相信神是可以医好我的; 但不论是生是死, 我都相信耶稣. 从以下这件事可以看到母親的信心:
她睡醒时, 见我的妹妹还在病房陪伴她,就问:“你在看啥? 怎么还没回家?”
妹妹说:“我在读[约伯记]. 我跟约伯一样, 在问神为何让妈妈受这樣的痛苦?”
母親说: “你不要这样责问神. 每个人的寿数都在神的手上. 不管长寿, 或回天家, 都是神所定的. 我们没有什么好抱怨的,也没有什么好害怕的.”看到母親内心非常宁静, 妹妹就得了安慰.
妹妹问:“妈妈, 你怎能这样坚强?”
母親回答說:“我也不晓得为什么? 我信主时间很短,但是圣经上所读的我都记得. 我既选定所信的主耶稣,就当一心信靠, 不摇摆也不放弃.”
妹妹說: “对, 是这样的. 既便我们分离, 那也是短暂的.”
母親又說: “神给每个人的时间都不一样. 神还要用你们. 要坚强活下去. 照管好小孩.”
母親一方面积极配合医生治疗, 一方面不忘关心他人． 有一次王牧师來探访她時， 她正在睡觉. 当她醒来后，就是关心的问：“王牧师，你的血压降下来了吗？”
母 親病中常常有親朋好友, 弟兄姊妹来探访, 包括教会的牧师来为她祝祷. 母親过世那天, 早上下起大雨. 她的气管被痰阻塞, 呼吸大声且吃力. 到下午四点, 国语堂的那四位诗班成员来到病房探访, 大家一起为她唱一首圣诗 “Sing Halleluiah to the Lord". 当唱到第二段时， 她吃力呼吸的声音慢慢降低了． 别人觉得她想睡觉了， 当歌声停下时， 妈妈最后一次张开眼睛， 然后就慢慢停止了呼吸． 奇妙的是, 附近传来大教堂钟楼的一阵优美的钟声, 美丽的晚霞也开始从窗外照进来, 房间里充满了光明宁和的气氛．
母親走完了她美丽的人生路程，静静地去到一个光明宁和的地方．她留下的宝贵财富，就如箴言最后两句话： 艳丽是虚假的．美容是虚浮的．惟敬畏耶和华的妇女、必得称赞。 愿他享受操作所得的．愿他的工作、在城门口荣耀他。（３１：３０－３１）
愿一切荣耀全归给母親所信靠的上帝和祂的儿子主耶稣．
Why I Believe
It seems that my life has been a turbulent journey, full of inner struggles.
I was born in 1967 -- the year Mao's Culture Revolution began. A few days after my birth, the warring Red Guard factions forced Mother to flee the hospital with me in her bosom.
Culture Revolution came hard on my parents, for the simple reason that my grandparents were political prisoners affiliated with KMT. My parents were treated harshly by the local Red Guards. I still recall that, as soon as I began to perceive emotions, I sensed a constant, hovering, thickening layer of stressful, inferior and hopeless feelings projected from my father to me. I was a survivor at 5 or 6, so before long I learnt to take refugee in books and fantasies, my favorite been Andersson Fairy Tales and Ashimov Science fictions, not to mention poetry by 泰戈尔（RabindranathTagore). Looking back, it was mom's love and strength, plus the relief from books and fantasies that my own budding inner world could develope before the harsh environment suffocated it. At that point, I sworn to myself to grow up a man of character strength and moral goodness. My dream was to escape from the totalitarian system to a free world. I thought that if I live in a free society, is well educated and have lots of money, I can realize my dreams.
My intellectual adventures led me, somehow, out of the deprived oppressive environment -- thanks to my father's upbringing, my mother's loving nurture and helps from teachers and friends. I actually did fulfill the three conditions: freedom education and a decent income. Yet, I seem to have discovered on myself more and more character flaws and moral weakness. How come? I was baffled. I tried to find answers in behavioral science, self-help books and psychology. But it seems to be a quicksand in which my soul was drowning. No kidding, I was deeply troubled, depressed, losing hope.
Besides books and philosophy, I also tried sports: trialthlon, half marathon, winter triathlon. They gave me temporary thrills but no lasting answers.
I became more disappointed of myself. My self-esteem began sinking lower and lower in the quicksand. I sought help from a psychological consuling. A lady named Cynthia actually provided a good deal of much appreciated clinical help. But the real question was un-answered. I began to lose purpose, and losing it quickly. I was at my wit's end, unable to sit up in the quicksand.
One day I went to a wedding banquet and met a United Church minister, Rev Wing Mak. He challenged me to turn my eyes to Bible. Prior to that I was drawn to Bible study while attending graduate school in Vancouver. Rev Mak was very nice to me. He filled to some extent a father-like role at that point when my father had been far away, distance-wise, and, more acutely, emotion-wise. Overtime, to my delight I found that reading Bible seemed to make my inner world clear. I learnt that I am one of the sinners made in devine image whom GOd is ready to forgive and take back. This explained why I was foolish to rely on my strength to achieve moral goodness. When I read Bible, not only were there instructions beaching me how to deal with daily practical problems (like re-connect with my estranged father). The mystery of the Bible seemed to be able to bring strange unexplainable joy and peace to my inner self. Joy and peace, how precious to a man in depression! I used to get up every morning, reading Psalm 143 and plea God: may each morning bring me, word of your unfailing love!
Surprisingly, much of my prayers got answered, so in keeping up with my side of the bargain, I somewhat reluctantly submitted to Jesus.
A small act of submission to Jesus brought new life. Trust and obey, there is no other way, to be happy in Jesus, but trust and obey,
Bible taught me the purpose of life. Rather than relying on my own to become righteous, it is better to trust in the Creator's plan and submit to Jesus for the redemption of my sins. There trully were abundant life when I participate in the worthy cause of being Christ's disciple. Live in Christ is a meaningful one. I only regret that I didn't come to the cross sooner.
I was born in 1967 -- the year Mao's Culture Revolution began. A few days after my birth, the warring Red Guard factions forced Mother to flee the hospital with me in her bosom.
Culture Revolution came hard on my parents, for the simple reason that my grandparents were political prisoners affiliated with KMT. My parents were treated harshly by the local Red Guards. I still recall that, as soon as I began to perceive emotions, I sensed a constant, hovering, thickening layer of stressful, inferior and hopeless feelings projected from my father to me. I was a survivor at 5 or 6, so before long I learnt to take refugee in books and fantasies, my favorite been Andersson Fairy Tales and Ashimov Science fictions, not to mention poetry by 泰戈尔（RabindranathTagore). Looking back, it was mom's love and strength, plus the relief from books and fantasies that my own budding inner world could develope before the harsh environment suffocated it. At that point, I sworn to myself to grow up a man of character strength and moral goodness. My dream was to escape from the totalitarian system to a free world. I thought that if I live in a free society, is well educated and have lots of money, I can realize my dreams.
My intellectual adventures led me, somehow, out of the deprived oppressive environment -- thanks to my father's upbringing, my mother's loving nurture and helps from teachers and friends. I actually did fulfill the three conditions: freedom education and a decent income. Yet, I seem to have discovered on myself more and more character flaws and moral weakness. How come? I was baffled. I tried to find answers in behavioral science, self-help books and psychology. But it seems to be a quicksand in which my soul was drowning. No kidding, I was deeply troubled, depressed, losing hope.
Besides books and philosophy, I also tried sports: trialthlon, half marathon, winter triathlon. They gave me temporary thrills but no lasting answers.
I became more disappointed of myself. My self-esteem began sinking lower and lower in the quicksand. I sought help from a psychological consuling. A lady named Cynthia actually provided a good deal of much appreciated clinical help. But the real question was un-answered. I began to lose purpose, and losing it quickly. I was at my wit's end, unable to sit up in the quicksand.
One day I went to a wedding banquet and met a United Church minister, Rev Wing Mak. He challenged me to turn my eyes to Bible. Prior to that I was drawn to Bible study while attending graduate school in Vancouver. Rev Mak was very nice to me. He filled to some extent a father-like role at that point when my father had been far away, distance-wise, and, more acutely, emotion-wise. Overtime, to my delight I found that reading Bible seemed to make my inner world clear. I learnt that I am one of the sinners made in devine image whom GOd is ready to forgive and take back. This explained why I was foolish to rely on my strength to achieve moral goodness. When I read Bible, not only were there instructions beaching me how to deal with daily practical problems (like re-connect with my estranged father). The mystery of the Bible seemed to be able to bring strange unexplainable joy and peace to my inner self. Joy and peace, how precious to a man in depression! I used to get up every morning, reading Psalm 143 and plea God: may each morning bring me, word of your unfailing love!
Surprisingly, much of my prayers got answered, so in keeping up with my side of the bargain, I somewhat reluctantly submitted to Jesus.
A small act of submission to Jesus brought new life. Trust and obey, there is no other way, to be happy in Jesus, but trust and obey,
Bible taught me the purpose of life. Rather than relying on my own to become righteous, it is better to trust in the Creator's plan and submit to Jesus for the redemption of my sins. There trully were abundant life when I participate in the worthy cause of being Christ's disciple. Live in Christ is a meaningful one. I only regret that I didn't come to the cross sooner.
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