the Tree of Life

Pastor Tim Keller drew my attention to Tree of Life in Proverbs. So I read this long article. I love it!  https://owlcation.com/humanities/Proverbs-and-the-Tree-of-Life

Felt a deep sense that it is hard to forgive my mistakes. But intuitively, I sense that there is a purpose to my present failure. The dual purpose, perhaps, is to die to sin, and live for God:

“So you also must consider yourselves dead to sin and alive to God in Christ Jesus.”

‭‭Romans‬ ‭6:11‬ ‭ESV‬‬

https://www.bible.com/59/rom.6.11.esv

I decided to lay in bed and recall Bible verses, especially 1 John 1 that Chi Tang trained me to memorize 20 years ago.

In my quiet moment, I knew that His hand will grab mine in my time of need. He is never far away. I felt His words in Psalm 100 provided the comfort that I needed: God is good, and His love endures forever, His faithfulness many generations.

Surprisingly, some childhood trauma surfaced where fear reached its limit such that 10-year old me pissed in pants; yet I dared not mention to anyone. I felt tender emotions towards the inner child in me. Tears came out at night. And I sensed mom interceding for me. What about heavenly Father?  He cares also, even more so. Emotional trauma is injustice done to me, and He took the matter into His own hand, by shedding Jesus blood to make me whole. As Psalm 143 promised: each morning I heard His words of unfailing love, for I have put my trust in Him and cried out to Him.


Tay is lucky. He told me that he does not have such experience, nor does Shuyi.

野地的花 caused me to long to eternal life, in heaven where mom is waiting.

--

Thomas Zeng

Die to Vain Glory (old self) and Live for Christ (ps. Hotel Charge Dispute)

有時，大概一周兩次，我仍然沈溺在今生的vain glory，錢財的驕傲。求主改變我心意。

For all that is in the world, the lust of the flesh and the lust of the eyes and the vain glory of life, is not of the Father, but is of the world. -1 John 2:16

Remember Thomas Kemp: "The Immitation of Christ" book that I read in Pierrpont?

--

Thomas Zeng

Escalation number at AMEX Travel 191230-00-0353

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New Year Newsletter 2019->2020

Dear All,

We are taking a family trip to Madrid, Spain, London and Edinburg.

2019 is ending, and our family has grown closer than ever before, the major breakthrough came from the NETS 44 stage 1 program that Thomas attended in Surrey, England. Healing and restoration from depression bestowed on him and blessings came upon the entire family due to the removal of the root causes long buried within Thomas' childhood traumas. 

Father and son joined the father son retreat with Ellel Ministries Canada, a step to redeem this pivotal yet broken family relationship.

This year our fruit trees produced "bumper crop harvest", perhaps forshadowing 2020.

Wish you a love-enriched 2020 “filled with all the fullness of God.“ (Eph 3:19)

Art Has Soul-Cleansing Powert

喜和我在 Museo Del Prado.

Several paintings served my soul with catharsis.

1. “Christ the Man of Sorrow” by Pereda 
2. ＂大卫战胜哥利亚” by 卡拉瓦乔
3. Christ falls on the way to Calvary
4. Anton Can Dyck’s two paintings Side by side: Lamentation over the Dead Christ and “The Brazen Serpent of Moses”
5. Several paintings by El Greco: Paintings for the Altarpieces of Dona Maria de Aragon; Christ carrying cross
6. St Thomas (Santo Tomas) by Peter Paul Rubens
7. El Basco: The temptations of St Anthony
8. Goya: La ultima communion de San Jose de Calasanz 

Family is Made Whole

By a photo of four, plus a Bokey portrait

Chapter 6 "Problem of Sin" and Drama In Madrid : Lack of Wisdom and Lack of Attention to Details

Our family is in Madrid, enjoying worderrful culture and weather.

Except for a detail: I forgot to cancel an InterContinetal Hotel Booking, totaling $2043.

Now I prayed for redemptionn, a partial refund of $1000.00. I am responsible for the first night, due to no-show. God please rescue my lack of wisdom.

Hopefully, the drama of such "absurdity" serves to do me good: remember Tracy said I don't take God's calling serious enough? Taking things serious means dive in and stay with the details of ups and downs. 

Chapter 6 of the Maturity Book focuses on "The Problem of Sin". 

in my case, a sin of ommision.

Introduction of Chapter 6:

New Christians, for instance with Ellel, are often encouraged to take heart of memory verses that cover:

1. Forgiveness
2. Assurance
3. Guidance
4. Coseration
5. Obedience
6. Turnning away from sin wheever and wheneer it sufaces in my life

How to keep my way pure and free from sin?

God provides a veariety of instruments to bring me to maturity:

1. The word of God
2. The indewellinng presence and ministry of the Holy Spirit
3. The preaching and teaching of Scripture
4. The various ministries of the fellowship of Christians
5. The privilege of prayers
6. The blessings of worship
7. The service I render to the world in evangelism and compassion

Shuyi is quite alighned with Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803-1882)'s writing:

Sow a thought and you reap an action;Sow an act and you reap a habit;Sow a habit and you reap a characterr;Sow a character and reap a destiny.

But my innner world is more aligned with Augustine:
At a later stage in his life, Augustine wrote about his continuing sinfulness: 

I have become a puzzle to myself: he was simply repeating the cri de coeur that he read in Paul: "Who will deliver me from this body of death? (Rom 7:24)

My experiences have been rather too disappointing. I don't have what it takes to save myself.

How can I keep my heart and hands clean in a polluted world? For instance

• free from assumptiousness, which really is lazy attitude that fails to recognize that life is complex and life is hard
• free from masturbation and erotic thoughts

Psalm 119 reduces to this question:

By what means can I cleanse my path so as to keep it according to thy word?

Perplexity

 JA Alexander wrote in his review of Psalm 119:

The answer is  suppressed, or rather left to be inferred from the whole tenor of the psalm, which is that men and especially the young, whose passions and temptations are strong in proportion to their inexperience, can do nothing of themselves but are dependent on the grace of God. 

In order to appreciate it I must first realize that the question itself arises out of a deep sense of sin.

In my case, despite my hurt, pain and damage to others including my loved ones, I have a problem in that "I have not yet considered the greatness of the weight of sin."

Until I realize how great my sin is, and stop diluting it, I will not make much progress in pursuing the holiness whithout which I will never see the Lord. Hebrews 12:11-14 cuts to my heart today:

11 All chastening seems for the present to be not joyous but grievous; yet afterward it yields peceable fruit unto them that have been exercised thereby, 'even the fruit' of righteousness.  12 Wherrefore lift up the hands that hang down, and the palsied knees; 13 and make straight  paths for your feet, that that which is lambe be not turned out of the way, but rather be healed. (tmz: I am lamed by injuries right now). 14 Follow after peace with all men, and the sanctification without which no man shall see the Lord.

My attempt to recognize the gravity of my sin are further hindered

1. Opposition: I should read the attack plan by LGBT action group in 1960s.
2. My own heart is deceptive. E.g. often seek to divert my sinfulness into some less frawned-upon form of self-indulgence and breach of God's laws.

Remember: a Godly life must be lived seriously or not lived at all.

The keys

1. Cry out to God
2. Abide in His Word and treasure hunt in Bible reading
3. Rejoice in His ways:
1. In the way of Your testimonies I delight as much as in all riches (Psalm 119:14)
1. Such as the declarations of what He has done or will do, for my salvation
3. “I remember the days of old; I meditate on all that you have done; I ponder the work of your hands.” ‭‭Psalms‬ ‭143:5‬ ‭ESV‬‬ https://www.bible.com/59/psa.143.5.esv
2. Calvary's Love: We cannot embrace the cross without renouncing sin

Chapter 6 "Problem of Sin" and Drama In Madrid : Lack of Wisdom and Lack of Attention to Details

Our family is in Madrid, enjoying worderrful culture and weather. 

Except for a detail: I forgot to cancel an InterContinetal Hotel Booking, totaling $2043.

Now I prayed for redemptionn, a partial refund of $1000.00. I am responsible for the first night, due to no-show. God please rescue my lack of wisdom.

Hopefully, the drama of such "absurdity" serves to do me good: remember Tracy said I don't take God's calling serious enough? Taking things serious means dive in and stay with the details of ups and downs. 

Chapter 6 of the Maturity Book focuses on "The Problem of Sin". 

in my case, a sin of ommision.

Introduction of Chapter 6:

New Christians, for instance with Ellel, are often encouraged to take heart of memory verses that cover:

1. Forgiveness
2. Assurance
3. Guidance
4. Coseration
5. Obedience
6. Turnning away from sin wheever and wheneer it sufaces in my life

How to keep my way pure and free from sin?

God provides a veariety of instruments to bring me to maturity:

1. The word of God
   
2. The indewellinng presence and ministry of the Holy Spirit
   
3. The preaching and teaching of Scripture
4. The various ministries of the fellowship of Christians
5. The privilege of prayers
6. The blessings of worship
7. The service I render to the world in evangelism and compassion

Shuyi is quite alighned with Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803-1882)'s writing:

Sow a thought and you reap an action;Sow an act and you reap a habit;Sow a habit and you reap a characterr;Sow a character and reap a destiny.

But my innner world is more aligned with Augustine:
At a later stage in his life, Augustine wrote about his continuing sinfulness: 

I have become a puzzle to myself: he was simply repeating the crri de coeur that he read in Paul: "Who will deliver me from this body of death? (Rom 7:24)

My experiences have been rather too frequent: 

How can I keep my heart and hands clean in a polluted world? For instance free from masturbation and erotic thoughts

Chapter 6 "Problem of Sin" and Drama In Madrid : Lack of Wisdom and Lack of Attention to Details

Our family is in Madrid, enjoying worderrful culture and weather. 

Except for a detail: I forgot to cancel an InterContinetal Hotel Booking, totaling $2043.

Now I prayed for redemptionn, a partial refund of $1000.00. I am responsible for the first night, due to no-show. God please rescue my lack of wisdom.

Hopefully, the drama of such "absurdity" serves to do me good: remember Tracy said I don't take God's calling serious enough? Taking things serious means dive in and stay with the details of ups and downs. 

Chapter 6 of the Maturity Book focuses on "The Problem of Sin". 

in my case, a sin of ommision.

Introduction of Chapter 6:

New Christians, for instance with Ellel, are often encouraged to take heart of memory verses that cover:

1. Forgiveness
2. Assurance
3. Guidance
4. Coseration
5. Obedience
6. Turnning away from sin wheever and wheneer it sufaces in my life

How to keep my way pure and free from sin?

God provides a veariety of instruments to bring me to maturity:

1. The word of God
   
2. The indewellinng presence and ministry of the Holy Spirit
   
3. The preaching and teaching of Scripture
4. The various ministries of the fellowship of Christians
5. The privilege of prayers
6. The blessings of worship
7. The service I render to the world in evangelism and compassion

Shuyi is quite alighned with Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803-1882)'s writing:

Sow a thought and you reap an action;Sow an act and you reap a habit;Sow a habit and you reap a characterr;Sow a character and reap a destiny.

But my innner world is more aligned with Augustine:
At a later stage in his life, Augustine wrote about his continuing sinfulness: 

I have become a puzzle to myself: he was simply repeating the crri de coeur that he read in Paul: "Who will deliver me from this body of death? (Rom 7:24)

My experiences have been rather too frequent: 

How can I keep my heart and hands clean in a polluted world? For instance free from masturbation and erotic thoughts

Chapter 6 "Problem of Sin" and Drama In Madrid : Lack of Wisdom and Lack of Attention to Details

Our family is in Madrid, enjoying worderrful culture and weather. 

Except for a detail: I forgot to cancel an InterContinetal Hotel Booking, totaling $2043.

Now I prayed for redemptionn, a partial refund of $1000.00. I am responsible for the first night, due to no-show. God please rescue my lack of wisdom.

Hopefully, the drama of such "absurdity" serves to do me good: remember Tracy said I don't take God's calling serious enough? Taking things serious means dive in and stay with the details of ups and downs. 

Chapter 6 of the Maturity Book focuses on "The Problem of Sin". 

in my case, a sin of ommision.

Introduction of Chapter 6:

New Christians, for instance with Ellel, are often encouraged to take heart of memory verses that cover:

1. Forgiveness
2. Assurance
3. Guidance
4. Coseration
5. Obedience
6. Turnning away from sin wheever and wheneer it sufaces in my life

How to keep my way pure and free from sin?

God provides a veariety of instruments to bring me to maturity:

1. The word of God
   
2. The indewellinng presence and ministry of the Holy Spirit
   
3. The preaching and teaching of Scripture
4. The various ministries of the fellowship of Christians
5. The privilege of prayers
6. The blessings of worship
7. The service I render to the world in evangelism and compassion

Shuyi is quite alighned with Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803-1882)'s writing:

Sow a thought and you reap an action;Sow an act and you reap a habit;Sow a habit and you reap a characterr;Sow a character and reap a destiny.

But my innner world is more aligned with Augustine:
At a later stage in his life, Augustine wrote about his continuing sinfulness: 

I have become a puzzle to myself: he was simply repeating the crri de coeur that he read in Paul: "Who will deliver me from this body of death? (Rom 7:24)

My experiences have been rather too frequent: 

How can I keep my heart and hands clean in a polluted world? For instance free from masturbation and erotic thoughts

Book Notes: Abiding in Christ (Ch.3 of Maturity Book for Discipleship Partners)

Abide in Christ (chapter 3) 

- Maturity by Sinclair Ferguson

Review of Chapter 2: Symptons of Decay

Key questions to ask when facing a decision:

Poor appetite, as shown in my indulgence in things that are not always sinful, but not edifying me. Need to ask instead:

1. Is this helping my Christian life? e.g. more thn 1 hour of Prime Video is not, especially 16+ ( 1 Cor 6:12)
2. Does this have a tendency to enslave me, so that I might develop  a dependency on it, and thus get addicted to it? e.g., R movies or checking 401K sizes
3. Does this edify me, and bring me to maturity? (1 Cor 10:23)
4.  Does this build up my neighbor?

Disceernment Deficit

1. not just discern between good and evil, but also whtat is comparatively harmless and what is postively valuable and spiritully strengthening. 
2. what is passing and what is lasting.
3. 
   

A. Union with Christ

1. Already you are clean because of the word I have spoken to you

==> we have received the washing of forgiveness

2. Union with Christ: we are united to Christ by trusting him

- like "graft" that has "taken" to a vine / trunk
- evidence of a "taken graft": bear fruit
- United / planted together / grow together in death and resurrection
or has "congenital features or characteristics of union with Christ in his death and resurrection.
-Christ's death to sin and resurrect to live for God are defining  aspects of our new life in Christ.

3. We are called to be Under-gardeners of our own soul

1. Learning the great lessons of grace, like the cultivation of the best fruit, requires time, care, thought, and patience. 
2. Lasting influences develop by understanding rather than by feeling.

B. The Father's Cultivation

"My father is the vine-dresser": this word picture depicts the character and the activity of God:

1. constancy
2. patience
3. interest 
4. labor 

John 15:2: "every branch that does not bear fruit he prunes (Kathairo)"
- meaning cleansing. The divine cutting has my cleansing in view.

Leon Morris:  "Left to itself a vine (or pomergranate tree) will produce a good deal of unproductive growth. For maximum fruitfulness extensive pruning is essential. This is a suggestive figure for the Christian life. The fruit of Christian service is never the result of allowing the natural energies and inclinations to run riot".

B.1 Cleansing by Pruning is a Must

 - Includes his providence and interventions in my life, aimed at fruitful well rounded characters

 

B.2 Initial Pruning

- not to produce fruit immediately, but to prepare for future fruit

- future fruit example: in all of our daily relationships with others to be shaped and fashioned in obedience to God's clear revealed will, so that we become letters to them.

- Protects us from the kind of immaturity that ruins relationships before there is time for our witness to have any effect.

 

B.3 Ongoing Pruning, pain, times of disappointment or sorrow, all serve as his pruning knife.

God prunes with perfect skills. His providence seems to cut deeply times, but his purpose is to enable us to grow strong enough to bear new, juicy fruit.

- death is at work in us, but life in you / others (2 Cor 4:12)

 

B.3.1 There are no accident in the Christian life

B.3.2 There is no waste in the Christian life

C. Abide in Christ

1. Allow his word to fill our minds and our affections; to  dominate our lives. 

2. A willing submission in heart, soul, mind and strength to his revealed will, immersed in his Word.

C.1. Let the word be absorbed by mind mind

- reading Bible is a "acquired taste".

C.2. Learn to read the Bible properly

- hold all of God's gifts with an open hand
- Let its truth, understood in its biblical context, engage and direct our thinking and feeling.

C.3. Let the word influence my will

- too often my mind is slave to feelings, and pretty soon our will will be captured by feelings too

===> We will then discover the lasting enjoyment of our spiritual privileges.

In the Dark 4am Hour ... Light shine through Abiding in Him

This morning, I had dark moment, woke up from SecCamSample/seccamdemo64 related stress.
I read John 8 ASV. The words comforted me in the dark hour at 3:59am. And I fell back to peace, peace that surpassed understanding.

¹² Again therefore Jesus spake unto them, saying, I am the light of the world: he that followeth me shall not walk in the darkness, but shall have the light of life. 

³¹ Jesus therefore said to those Jews that had believed him, If ye abide in my word, then are ye truly my disciples; ³² and ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free.

Throughout the day, my heart felt heavy-laden by acute sense of my addition to internet news. Addition to the point of ignoring duty and honor.

The sermon by Tim Keller， God and Sinners Reconciled
lifted me up. Such encouragement. Tears and wailing came out. How wonderful, how marvelous is my Savior and His love.

 Reminded me of the LambMusic song:

耶穌，我的救主

水和血從祢的肋旁流下來
漫過我全人最深玷污
用火燒，將一切罪惡都燒盡
直到消逝遺忘的海裡
罪深重，屢次壓傷疲憊的心
誰能救我脫離我自己
雖深知我種種不堪的過去
神聖愛不曾將我放棄
耶穌，我的救主
是祢洗我白如雪
遠離舊事，成為新造的人
唯祢永是我的救主
如今我也背起十架走窄路
常軟弱，唯祢是我幫助
每跌倒，唯賴祢釘痕手扶起
祢憐恤憂傷痛悔的心
耶穌，我的救主
是祢洗我白如雪
遠離舊事，成為新造的人

在至高之處榮耀神，在地上平安臨垂他喜愛的人

路2:14 在至高之處，榮耀歸於神！在地上，平安臨到他所喜悅的人！

What is the hebrew meaning of jesus?

via Latin from Greek Iēsous, from HebrewYeshūa`, shortened from Yehōshūa` God is help, Joshua.
一、人 子 來 ， 為 要 尋 找 ， 拯 救 失 喪 的 人 
路9:10
路1:79
要照亮坐在黑暗中死蔭裡的人，把我們的腳引到平安的路上。」

二、耶穌來召罪人悔改

• 扁鵲見齊恆公的故事

扁鵲見蔡桓公，立有間，扁鵲曰：“君有疾在腠理，不治將恐深。”桓侯曰：“寡人無疾。”扁鵲出，桓侯曰：“醫之好治不病以為功！”

居十日，扁鵲復見，曰：“君之病在肌膚，不治將益深。”桓侯不應。扁鵲出，桓侯又不悅。

居十日，扁鵲復見，曰：“君之病在腸胃，不治將益深。”桓侯又不應。扁鵲出，桓侯又不悅。

居十日，扁鵲望桓侯而還走。桓侯故使人問之，扁鵲曰：“疾在腠理，湯熨之所及也；在肌膚，針石之所及也；在腸胃，火齊之所及也；在骨髓，司命之所屬，無奈何也。今在骨髓，臣是以無請也。”

居五日，桓侯體痛，使人索扁鵲，已逃秦矣。桓侯遂死。

誰是罪人？（罪行，罪性）

罗 Romans 3:23-24 (CHT) 23 因為世人都犯了罪、虧缺了 神的榮耀。 24 如今卻蒙 神的恩典、因基督 耶穌 的救贖、就白白的稱義。

三、耶穌來為要彰顯神的榮耀

四、耶穌來要讓人得生命
肖伯母信主三十年的生活
https://share.icloud.com/photos/0Ubs1vrBViBwNXrCtr0oR98bA

五、基督是我們一切盼望的所在

1. 基督還要再來
2. 再來前有預兆

John 14:2-3 (CHT) 2 在我父的家裡、有許多住處．若是沒有、我就早已告訴你們了．我去原是為你們預備地方去。 3 我若去為你們預備了地方、就必再來接你們到我那裡去．我在那裡、叫你們也在那裡。

Organized Religion, Family and Mother-Son Ties, a Mid Night "Chair Side" Chat

After mid-night last night, Tay and I had an impromptu chat besides his computer chair.

Earlier we had a long talk about this email I was writing (but not sending, in response to https://www.christianitytoday.com/ct/2019/december-web-only/trump-should-be-removed-from-office.html).

We talked about problems of any organization, including organized religion. I stressed, and he agreed. Finally, doors opened by God to pass some legacy through to next generation:

1. That is why family is the kernel unit of life. Family is a place a man can build, lead and protect, despite the thorny roads of the world around. This is because you will be like me, a Father, ordained to train up kids. Although Mothers have big say to boys, too. (referring to recent podcast in Focus On the Family about mothers building up sons). This seemed to resonant. He said: "For sure, that Mothers are stablizing force of family, is what the Bible teaches."
2. I also asked him about college, especially the CU Boulder institute of ATLAS. I felt that they are good doers, not driven by fame or profit. Simply pursuit of knowledge.
3. We talked about his strength. I said that that mom and I felt C programming came to him naturally, just like his mom. He nodded. I said you are a plain speaking guy, as evidenced by your writing, "Child Not Social." He nodded again. You are driven to problem solve. He nodded. Judging my mistakes I have cumulatively made, I sense during college years, key is to learn problem solving skills in STEM, and most have to do with math.
4. He shared his struggle with AP Stats. He can memorize the formula, but doesn't yet understand the big picture, the why. I said that is part of the fun. Like any acquired test, after struggling for a while, sometimes a year like his struggle with Calculus which he wrote about in his UC Prompt. With device providence, down the road you will experience "Aha" moment.  Math is hard work, but after hard work you develop intuition.

Mr. Editor In Chief, Mark Galli,

Your editorial, "Trump Should Be Removed from Office", makes me feel perplexed: how could CT magazine be injected your into a complex political conflict? I don't understand: since when is our Lord commissioning us to meddle with the swamps in Washington D.C.? Which part of the Bible compels us to steer a Theological magazine towards the conflict of partisan politics?

If you have thoughtful answers, please share with us, because your answers are very important to this reader.

Frankly, I feel that I could be the next to be hit by stones, because I sometimes behave less than self-controlled, and resembles a prostitute or a politician. How will you evaluate a person like me, far from be morally polished?

Not convinced that you are sensing signs of this yardstick: Be a doer of the Word, not just hearer of the Word. (James 1:22)

Clear Guidance

Big Picture Overview

This is derived from the chapter 5 of Maturity by S Ferguson. Title is Clear Guidance.
Topics derived from Col : (MSG): ^12-13 Epaphras, who is one of you, says hello. What a trooper he has been! He’s been tireless in his prayers for you, praying that you’ll stand firm, mature and confident in everything God wants you to do. I’ve watched him closely, and can report on how hard he has worked for you and for those in Laodicea and Hierapolis.

1. Last chapter focused on "being fully assured", and therefore able to serve the Lord free from self-obsession.
2. This chapter focuses on "standing firm in all the will of God", knowing his guidance, and having the confidence to do his will whatever the consequences.

It takes stability to grow into maturity. And God's promises and daily guidance provide us the ultimate stablizing strength.

How God Guides

1. There is an element of mystery in God's dealings with us. In a sense, He is full of surprises. In another sense, there is the 'mystery of iniquity' (2 Thess 2:7). "A beast may present himself with lamb-like features but he does so in order to lead Christians astray".
   ==> God's word teaches us to see (i.e. experience) through our ears, by what we hear in God's word - not through our eyes and what we see. ==> the priority of God's voice in God's word in guidance. (e.g. Tim Keller sermons)
   
2. Two different, general views about guidance have been held by well-meaning Christians.
1. Personal directness of God's guidance, suggesting that it comes immediately from him to our spirits.
2. Typical way of God's guiding us is through the application of the precepts  and principles of his word.

 Teaching by Paul in Col 1:

1. Prerequisites:
1. Have experienced redemption and forgiveness (Col 1:13), and thus has accepted God's will for our salvation.
2. Wanting God's guidance requires us to seek His will not my own.
3. Col 1:11: strength and might, for they are required to gain endurance and patience. 
1. Example of Job: need strength to endure, when we cannot see to the end of the tunnel. 
2. If the fulfillment of God's purpose is slow, then like Habakkuk we will learn to wait (Hab 2:3 ³ 因 為 這 默 示 有 一 定 的 日 期 ， 快 要 應 驗 ， 並 不 虛 謊 。 雖 然 遲 延 ， 還 要 等 候 ； 因 為 必 然 臨 到 ， 不 再 遲 延 )
1.  God's goal in the specific guidance we seek is secondary to the life-transformation he is determined to pursue.

The fact that he brought us to a right destination by a doubtful route is no excuse for us to be indifferent to learning how to be guided by his word.

Example: fathers carry their children on their shoulders - but now when they are teenagers! And we carry adults on our shoulders only when they are very sick.

God's Will

1. How important it is to develop an increasing familiarity with how God sees things.

God-centered

1.  "walking worth of the Lord" (Col 1:10). God leads us in 'paths of righteousness' (Psa 23:3)
1. in order to "glorify God and enjoy him for ever" (our "chief end" according to the Shorter Catechism).
2. ³ 他 使 我 的 靈 魂 甦 醒 ， 為 自 己 的 名 引 導 我 走 義 路 。
2. The way God's sovereign will unfolds for us is through our knowledge of, and submission to, his revealed will.
1. Question is not" what is God doing to enhance my life"?
2. Instead, ask: what does it mean for my life to be unreservedly God-centered?
1. Learn that knowing and pleasing God should have priority over concerns about self.
2. Leads to finding the will of God to be 'good, perfect and acceptable'. Romans 12:2 察 驗 何 為 神 的 善 良 、 純 全 、 可 喜 悅 的 旨 意 。

Reasonable

1. God's guidance will always engage our minds
1. Always compatible with Science, e.g. Big Gang
   
2. Impressions are not necessarily wrong, but they need to be tested.
   2 Tim 2:7 Think over what I say, for the Lord will give you understanding in everything.

1. ⁷ 我 所 說 的 話 你 要 思 想 ， 因 為 凡 事 主 必 給 你 聰 明 。

Spiritually Discerned

It is the Spirit of God that illuminates our understanding through God's Word. 

1. Clarity typically comes slowly, by the process of understanding how God’s word applies to the flowing river of Hos Providence in our lives.
2. That process may also climax in a single moment of illumination, when the Spirit brings together the fragments of an unclear picture that had developed over time.  Then everything is clarified. This is part of the supernatural character of the Christian life. The Bible does NOT come to us in a series of answers to our set questions. It comes in its own context, which we need to understand, and speaks into our context, which we need to interpret., in order to lead us into the Will of God.

There needs to be a balance between the natural and the super natural. God's guidance is both reasonable and not-limited by the properties of our mind. (e.g., intuition)

Biblically Unfolded

John Newton said:

(We), by treasuring up the doctrines, precepts, promises, examples, and exhortations of Scripture, in our minds, and daily comparing ourselves with the rule by which we walk, we grow into an habitual frame of spiritual wisdom, and acquire a gracious taste, which enables us to judge right and wrong with a degree of readiness and certainty, as a musical ear judges of sounds. And they are seldom mistaken, because they are influenced by the love of Christ, which rules in their hearts, and a regard to the glory of God, which is the great object they have in view. 

Then obedience to the word becomes the pathway to the enjoyment of God, and enjoy healthy balance between the objective (God’s glory) and the subjective (enjoyment of God).

John Flavel summarized as:

1. Get the true fear of God upon my heart
2. Study the word more, and the concerns and interests of the world less
3. Reduce what I know into practice, and I will know what is my duty to practice (John 7:17)
4. Pray for illumination and direction in the way I should go; beg Him to guide me in straits, and that He would not suffer me to fall into sin
5. Follow providence so far as it agrees with the word, and no further (Psalm 32: 3-7)

詩 篇 32:3-7 Chinese Union Version (Traditional) (CUV)

³ 我 閉 口 不 認 罪 的 時 候 ， 因 終 日 唉 哼 而 骨 頭 枯 乾 。

⁴ 黑 夜 白 日 ， 你 的 手 在 我 身 上 沉 重 ； 我 的 精 液 耗 盡 ， 如 同 夏 天 的 乾 旱 。 （ 細 拉 ）

⁵ 我 向 你 陳 明 我 的 罪 ， 不 隱 瞞 我 的 惡 。 我 說 ： 我 要 向 耶 和 華 承 認 我 的 過 犯 ， 你 就 赦 免 我 的 罪 惡 。 （ 細 拉 ）

⁶ 為 此 ， 凡 虔 誠 人 都 當 趁 你 可 尋 找 的 時 候 禱 告 你 ； 大 水 泛 溢 的 時 候 ， 必 不 能 到 他 那 裡 。

⁷ 你 是 我 藏 身 之 處 ； 你 必 保 佑 我 脫 離 苦 難 ， 以 得 救 的 樂 歌 四 面 環 繞 我 。 （ 細 拉 ）

A Good Analysis of my Work and my Sluggardliness

From Rev. Tim Keller, the Proverbs talked about "diligence" in the context work and the positive heading of work, and "sluggard" in the negative heading.

https://podtail.com/en/podcast/timothy-keller-sermons-podcast-by-gospel-in-l/sluggardliness/


He summarized 4 "to-do"s:

1. I am to do my work
2. I am to love my work: like jazz musician John Coltrane
3. I am to re-narrate my work: like th UK abolish slave trade
4. I am to let God redeem my work, yes, even full time ministries cannot escape being littered with thorns. He has Shalon (interdependent peace) for our work 

Today I went swim at cove. 59F. Cold. Wavy.

Vain glory side of me: my brain and personality are my enemies

I am a sloth, and I cannot change

Yesterday evening, I wasted between an hour to two hours surfing the internet, especially Dick's sporting goods. No specifics, just wandered.

I am very disappointed about my laziness, irresponsible, lack of purpose, lack of focus.

People count on me to step up, the Holy Spirit in me, my Father, and Jesus, are grieved when I let them down, by hiding away from Duty and Honor.

I cannot change my heart. God, you can. I'd better let You.

I went for a music walk to the Shell Beach at La Jolla Cove.

And enjoyed different versions of O Come O Come Emmanuel. The Spirit reminded me:

- The question is: on the day of my last breath, is there Father to welcome me on the other side of death?

Soveraign Grace:

VERSE 1
O come, O come, Emmanuel
And ransom captive Israel
That mourns in lonely exile here
Until the Son of God appear

VERSE 2
O come, Thou, Dayspring from on high
And cause Thy light on us to rise
Disperse the gloomy clouds of night
And death’s dark shadow put to flight
Rejoice! Rejoice! Emmanuel
Shall come to thee, O Israel

VERSE 3
O come, O come, true prophet of the Lord
And turn the key to heaven’s door
Be Thou our comforter and guide
And lead us to the Father’s side
Rejoice! Rejoice! Emmanuel
Shall by His word our darkness dispel

VERSE 4
O come, our great High Priest, and intercede
Thy sacrifice, our only plea
The judgment we no longer fear
Thy precious blood has brought us near
Rejoice! Rejoice! Emmanuel
Has banished every fear of hell

VERSE 5
O Come, Thou King of nations bring
An end to all our suffering
Bid every pain and sorrow cease
And reign now as our Prince of Peace
Rejoice! Rejoice! Emmanuel
Rejoice! Rejoice! Emmanuel
Rejoice! Rejoice! Emmanuel
Shall come again with us to dwell


Original words (vv. 1-2) translated by John M. Neale (1851). Music: Veni Emmanuel. Alt. and add. words (vv. 3-5) by Steve Cook and Bob Kauflin
© 2014 Sovereign Grace Praise (BMI)/Sovereign Grace Worship (ASCAP)

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2JpvW9FU_Rg

 

父與子：圍爐講書的樂趣

今天開車上班，想兒在找他的命定，身份，呼召。渴望我有機會讀＂Hudson Taylor传＂，因为他的名字是这样子来的。

奇迹般，我想起幼时在老家海窝子，久违的温暖，是爸爸圍著火爐讀＂鋼鐵是怎樣煉成的＂，一對一给我聽。

好難忘。融恰的父子相處時間。感謝爸爸

I have a mission, and that is to Nourish Father-Son Dynamics in the Heart of Father-God

Due to illness (a common cold) I did not attend Sunday worship. Our weekly prayer meetings have not happened since mid November. I knew that I long to worship. Why not dedicate morning commute for it?

I had two options:

A. Worship using the YouTube recording of Pastor Tim youth sermon on Book of Joshua that Tay recorded for me

B. A sermon titled The Evil of Envy in Podcast App

I sensed strongly everywhere I turn a voice has been reminding me: work on the Evil of Envy. Focus on the Family, Renovare, and Gospels in LIFE by Rev Tim Keller

I selected B. and it changed the course of my week: 

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/timothy-keller-sermons-podcast-by-gospel-in-life/id352660924?i=1000444886179

The above sermon hit me hard during minute 31 to 33, I also watched recent movies. The actor is about to fall into some abyss. God did not grab hold of the hand of Jesus in his darkest moment. He stretched his hand for help but God forsook him.

I understand what has happened to me since the fateful 1993 New Years conversion to Christ . I knew His hand lifted me out of falling several times: including uplifting interactions though  Uncle John who is a Father figure to me. I cried mystery tears as recorded here (http://soulzeng.blogspot.com/2016/06/uncle-john.html)

I felt pain for Christ. Such agony, unfairness. I wanted to protest on His behalf, but ended up crying for him. Cried and cried. Cry hard into wailing. I cried so much, more than ever before. My tears spoke poignantly the love of Father-God. Such crazy love. No, I don't deserve. I can only let me tears speak for me. Such profound emotion.

=====

1. What is Envy?
1. Wanting some aspect of other people's lives
1. Weep over the fact you don't have what others have 
2. Begrudge what they have. Being unhappy at other people's happiness.
1. When people above you are weeping, you are happy
2.  Why do I must deal with envy and see it in myself?
1. Because it hides itself because it is so humilating
2. Because it sucks joy out of your life. It leaks joy, drains joy. Of all you can do, envy is an vacuum pump of joy.
3. Because it poisons sociologically and psychologically
4. Because if you understand what you envy, you understand your heart. 
1. Envy might be the greatest wall-shot of all. Learn what you envy, and you will learn who you are.

==============

Why? Father son relation is important to me.

From Nov 5, 2019

星期六孟韜帶垂樂去UCSD參加Open House。垂樂隨便

晃晃，孟韜和招生的人談了，對於選什麼科系比較有機

會有一些概念。星期一一早，父子兩個又去UCSD旁聽

兩門課，讓垂樂感受一下。現在他知道UC上課，不是他

想的這麼簡單，和社區大學程度不一樣。他也比較有興趣

到好大學上課。問題是，你有意願去，還不知道能不能

進得去呢。

書逸

How Do You Respond After You Sin? This May Be The Greatest Test of Your Spiritual Maturity

I came to Ellel Pierrepont yesterday for the Healing Camp via AA 108 LAX to LHR. Doug Green of Fox Taxi drove from airport to the Lord['s Address at Pierrepont.

I have been here less than 30 hours, and the Holy Spirit granted one of my prayers already: tears of relief came out tonight during the PR (Personal Request) session of today's Healing Services.

In this PR session, Paul Watson and Amanda (Mandy) Moat ministered to me. My request is to enable emotional level forgiveness, that I can stop condemning myself at head level and gut level for my recent mistakes, the decision in the last 12 years to purse the outward glory of Silicon Valley job at higher priority than family and inward devotional life. One thing led to another, I back-slided in my devotional life, dropped back into anxiety and depression.  I got stuck in self condemnation, in my mind, I believed that God can erase the debt of others but not my debt. My debt is too shameful.

(note: I didn't share with Mandy and Paul these details: 大概從去年九月我開始suffer Anxiety. 吃Anxiety drug 有些幫助但有高血壓、skip heart-beat 等副作用。我感覺自己從換工作到北加，作了錯誤的決策，情緒低落，不想見人，而且變成惡性循環，the more I feel weak and ashamed, the more I want to hide. The more I hide, the more I feel weak，anxious and ashamed. I became trapped in self condemnation.)

Amanda prayed the following that broke through the mental blockage at my emotional level:

“Jesus has gone ahead and paid the ransom for our sin before we committed them”. It is such a relief, I truly believed her prayer and my heart started to soften. Then Paul prayed for about 2 to 5 minutes. He indicated that God is pleased with me of who He is. I don’t remember the rest of the details, but after his prayers my tears came out. Aleiluah. Praise the Lord for the powerful tears that brought relief to me.

And this article from desiringgod.org gave this topic a thorough treatment:

https://www.desiringgod.org/articles/the-devil-cannot-condemn-you

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Notes on Spiritual Warfare

My notes from the sermon "Spiritual Warfare on Earth" by Derek Prince

The List of Weak Points

1. Pre-natal
2. Pressures in early childhood (e.g. strife torn homes)
3. emotional shocks 
4. Sinful habits (e.g. masturbation)
5. Occult activities (e.g fortune telling)
6. Idle words (I did not mean it, but I said: I wish I were not born)

The list of Characteristic Activities:

1. Demons enticing us to do evil
2. Demons harass (e.g.  moment of weakness let the Spirit of Anger to come into a husband)
3. Demons defile and are called unclean (fill your mind with dirty and unclean thoughts)
4. Demons torture (e.g. athritus)
5. Demons compel and enslave, creating addiction. Any addiction is 99% demonic
6. Witchcraft (including 1) self-indulgence, rebellion)   I have been a slave to self-indulgence, slave to stomachs
7. Demons make weak or sick: e.g. migrain

Steps to Receiving Deliverance:

1. Affirm faith in Christ : Christ is the High Christ of our confession
2. Humble ourselves: humble yourself under the mighty hand of God. Humility is a decision. Let dignity go, get deliverance. One woman so broken hearted => so in love with Christ. She is Mary Magdalen
3. Confess our sins: bring something dark out in the light in the open with all its embarassment. "Prov: he who confess his sin and forsake it will receive mercy"
4. Forgive others who sinned against you. Forgiveness is a decision, not a feeling
5. Break with the occult and all the false religion including objects related to occult or superstition
6. Prepare to be released from all curses in your life, and enter into the blessings of Abraham, because on the Cross Jesus has been made a curse
7. Expel demons: breath it out, blew out 4 times

List of my things to deliver from:

1. Fear of passing on depressions from my dad to my children
2. Self-indulgence

"You shall Expel Demons"