7/31 disary

Very tired during the day. Swam 2050 ft lafitness 10pm

Lunch with He Yan. Rumor said reduce QCT 28k to 20k. Ignore rumor

7/27 sermon

1. 飢渴慕義的人

- 認識自己靈里貧窮

- 為自己心靈情況難過

2. 與主有密切關係的人

     憐憫人象主心腸

3. 為義被逼迫背後是撒旦的工作

  A. 嘲笑

B. 恐吓

C、辱罵

D 誹謗

E 斷絕關係

F 禁例

G 禁例

H 苦待

I   監禁

歡喜快樂 你們在天上的賞賜是大的

天堂是在淚眼中看得更清楚的

為逼迫我們的祝福禱告

3、 善待逼迫我們的人 以善勝惡

但求政治得體，不想冒犯人

  不是因犯罪而受苦的人

3. 好人為何受逼迫

Diary 7/27/2014

Writing HB CPAS Access Control requires understanding of Security Engineering : I have started reading the book by Ross Anderson plus secure boot and PIL code.

When reading secure boot, one question came up: why is it necessary to verify a chain of certificates?

Found an answer from msdn:

In order to perform a code signing operation, both private key and signer identification information must be supplied. The digital certificate used in the signature usually supplies the signer identification information, however. Thus, the private key must be supplied through some other means. Additionally, the signature must include the certificate chain for the cryptographic service provider (CSP), up to a root certificate trusted by the user, in order for the signed file to be authenticated. So in all, there are several items that need to be provided in order to generate a digital signature.

7/24 9pm: 游泳62 lengths at 4S LAfitness.

7/26: stayed indoor in the mornig: not good. 

played racket ball 1.5 hours at noon.

7/27: 5pm

游泳80 lengths at 4S LAfitness.

Diary 7/22/2014

昨天下午去Q游泳池游了40 length of 25 meters

今天：50 lengths.

I had to push myself but i felt very good.  My mojo hormone came back. My focus was good yesterday evening. My work output was good as i stayed  in the office until 10:40pm.

Today Vipul called me to complain about my doing the design for his team.

He wanted everything we talked to be held confidentially. He does not like me to represent him. He wants us to have agreement first, then file FR.

He asked how the two us can improve working relathionship, I answered that I would like to litsen to his suggestions.

Vipul said: stop trivilizing Linux design because you do not spend enough time. You are busy with other important things.

我生活的目標& 7 steps cartharsis

今天與potential future 4S Youth Pastor Woody Floto 午餐，談及垂喜垂樂需要正確的生活目標。

我自已呢？

這個元旦，六個月前我定的目標，到現在我能顧及的似乎唯有：如何保住在SWArch Team 的工作。

這六個月我變了好多：

0. 體力明顯降低。

1：從對工作信心滿滿到缺乏信心甚至於害怕完不成任務。

2：從drive SMMU and Access Control decisions 到only drive HoneyBadger AC and SMMU CPAS documents to closure.

3. Energy / hormon level 降低到正常值之下，due to minor depression.

對太太對兒子女兒對朋友教會我關心越來越少。

4：在SVLight 的責任我難以顧及

5：在湧泉的責任我難以顧及

我對自己失望又譴責.對他人羞愧又躲避。 對前面的路不確定。覺得好像每人都在嘲諷譏笑我。

我好苦，誰能救我脫離這取死的身體?

這是 over reaction, due to lack of inner conviction and peace.

照過去的經驗，七步療法曾起到carthartic 效果讓我回到光明寧和。

過去有類似 over reaction 嗎？

Cartharsis definition:

3. A release of emotional tension, as after an overwhelming experience, that restores or refreshes the spirit.

4. Psychology

a. A technique used to relieve tension and anxiety by bringing repressed feelings and fears to consciousness.

b. The therapeutic result of this process; abreaction.

1. 我感覺很害怕，對自己失望又譴責.對他人羞愧躲避。 對前面的路不確定。覺得好像每人都在嘲諷譏笑我。覺得好苦。

2. 難道就沒有感恩的地方嗎？當然有，只是我把暫時的困難片面放大，受阻擋，看下到我多被愛，天父和媽媽爸爸無條件愛我. 家庭就是要同心共渡難關.

3. 過去類似的over reaction 是游泳隊事件，跟現在比那份憂鬱害怕非常接近，尤其想對人羞愧又躲避. 王二小故事就是例子.

4. 回到那一個夏天. 我想把平安和價值建立在別人對我的幫助上：那時我象垂樂一般大. 當温教練拒絕幫助我，我就失去

平安和價值. 那時的社會價值觀也鼓勵我們向外尋求價值.

5. 重新安排那一個夏天：我從那件事學到正的生活是內心生活. 苦和甜，成與敗，被接受與被接納，都不影響我的內心價值，我在爸媽眼里的價值，我在耶穌眼里的價值. 就象我的座右銘：苦和甜來自外界，堅強則來自內心來自那住在我裡面的.

6. 我需要求智慧，來選擇正確價值觀和對事情的態度：暫時的退步是神所允許發生的，相信也是最終對我有益的.

7. Go swim

Did 20 lengths LA fit plus one length no breath

My weight s 150lb today: 3 pounds more than a month ago

Encouraged after sync up with My Boss

My boss gave me much better feedback than I expected. 

1. I need to improve communication. 

2. I need to focus on Istari.

What was i expecting?

I was expecting that he would tell me that i am not a fit for SW arch and i need to find another job within Qcom.

After sync up with my boss, i feel much relieved.

I can still finish the Istari SMMU access control projects that i help to start, and in the process bring food on the table for my wife and family.

My prayer answered!

等待結果

這周可能有對我不利的決定下達。

Kent已經離開。

PJ已經離開swarch.

下一個是否我？

在7/18之前應該有答案。

(Follow up 7/20: the answer is here: praise the Lord, 我不是下一個馬上要被迫離開SW Arch 的人. AT told me Monday he has plans for me to complete CPAS AC and to work on SMMUv3）

Meanwhile i shall keep my head up with the grace of an adult not the grief of a child.

I shall focus on my commit to:

1. Audit HB AR Access Control

2. sign off HB CPAS SMMU and Access Control.

#1 is within sight.

#2 will be tough without help from Igor.

Moved to Silver Pine

工作和住家大有變化.

主耶穌我要尋求你

身體每況愈下我好苦。工作快不保，與人關係不順。

耶穌救我。