Leadership Conducts in Titus 3

Titus 3New International Version (NIV)

Saved in Order to Do Good

nd see that 14 Our people must learn to devote themselves to doing what is good, in order to provide for urgent needs and not live unproductive lives.

3 Remind the people to be subject to rulers and authorities, to be obedient, to be ready to do whatever is good, 2 to slander no one, to be peaceable and considerate, and always to be gentle toward everyone.

3 At one time we too were foolish, disobedient, deceived and enslaved by all kinds of passions and pleasures. We lived in malice and envy, being hated and hating one another. 4 But when the kindness and love of God our Savior appeared, 5 he saved us, not because of righteous things we had done, but because of his mercy. He saved us through the washing of rebirth and renewal by the Holy Spirit, 6 whom he poured out on us generously through Jesus Christ our Savior, 7 so that, having been justified by his grace, we might become heirs having the hope of eternal life. 8 This is a trustworthy saying. And I want you to stress these things, so that those who have trusted in God may be careful to devote themselves to doing what is good. These things are excellent and profitable for everyone.

9 But avoid foolish controversies and genealogies and arguments and quarrels about the law, because these are unprofitable and useless. 10 Warn a divisive person once, and then warn them a second time. After that, have nothing to do with them. 11 You may be sure that such people are warped and sinful; they are self-condemned.

轉寄到30週年信箱

脱茧而出

我的工作职位需要我为一个上百人的軟硬件研發项目引入設計架構的改变，但我在2014年初经历了一系列的挫折。我們的团队逐漸遇到了几股桌面下的力量的阻挡。其中一股力量抵挡项目不能向前，另一股力量拦住项目的退路，使大家进退两难。有人直接指责我将大家带入了困境。我因为Email上的攻击痛苦不堪，特别是发送到很多收信人的Email让我无法忍受。那些Email感觉摧毁了我的名誉和自我认同。在徬徨中我慢慢失去了內心平衡，。在恐慌中我先後犯了許多的错误。在绝望中我开始用自己的方法来解决问题，既然別人似乎成功地使用email來攻擊，我也試圖以其人之道还治其人之身。 神说伸冤在我，我偏偏自力逞能， 但以牙还牙将情况变得更坏，使自己既受伤又内疚；覺得用不乾淨的方法讓我心裡忐忑不安。隨即的后果是我出現常常紧张，重度失眠等症狀，並导致抑郁症，最后见到凶的同事我大脑就发麻不能运作，就焦虑慌张。我以前有过忧郁症，但这次更加严重，超过了一年半。我与黑暗的情绪争战但毫无功效。在愁苦中我越来越多躲避到自己的世界，来隐藏我的痛苦和羞耻，并且用熟悉的方式自我保护。但我有一件事做对了：我定期去周三祷告会, 周末和Vinson Lee 弟兄打壁球，之后我俩互相祷告。这段时间里我许多次去看专科医生：神经科检查，精神科检查，内分泌科检查，荷尔蒙检查 ， Toxicology, Oncology, ；做了十几次检查为了找到问题的源头。什么都没有用。

有很長的一段時間，我感到许多的痛苦和羞耻但 我没有办法流一滴眼泪，我似乎把自己藏在一个躯壳里。回顾起来，以西结书11章就是对我很好的形容：（我要）从他们肉体中除掉石心，赐给他们肉心。我的心因为内中的恐惧像石头一样坚硬。我越担忧，我的生活就越来越四分五裂。我觉得我不能继续当前的工作，开始想象在别的地方开始一个新的工作，有少一点压力。但从我过往的经验我马上意识到在我从麻烦中跑掉之前这里有我要学的功课。另外，在我失眠的状态下我没法去任何地方面试。我觉得我在严酷的人际关系的冲突中被困住了，尤其被惧怕捆绑：惧怕更多的失败，惧怕在工作场所被欺负，惧怕见到同事，甚至懼怕面對自己。我盼望重拾平安和秩序，但哪里有呢？大约哪个时候，我从一位教会执事那里得到了许多帮助，她热心地关怀了我和我太太。她和我分享了她在忧郁症中挣扎和康复的路程。她强烈建议我去伦敦参加Pierrepont MicroNETS-1活动（永远不再一样）另外提一下，我太太坚持认为我的问题的根源不是化学不平衡或者童年的伤害，而是我属灵信仰中的结构性问题。我的属灵生活有了问题。她相信了这个建议，然后就安排了我们孩子的看顾，这样她可以和我一起去伦敦。我当时并不相信她，但是我也没有什么好失去的。另外过去我每次听她的建议都非常受益。我母亲多次督促遇到危险和重大决定要听书逸我太太的。安琪医生用抗抑郁的药物帮助我控制了失眠后，我就有了足够的力量去伦敦的Pierrepont参加9天的MicroNETS活动。我去了Pierrepont希望能够医治我的抑郁和焦虑，可以不用抗抑郁的药就能睡觉。我回来的时候满有内心宁和盼望，非常疲惫但是精神非常好。在Pierrepont的时间我覺得收穫良多。有生以來第一次，我有幸經歷到聖靈的同在，體驗到作為神兒女被愛有福的確據。通過課堂中和課後與同學的互動了解到作為神兒女正確的自我認同，不再那麼懼怕失敗後被唾棄，也多少恢復重建一些內心的平安。慢慢我可以不再需要抗抑郁的处方药，从15年5月16日开始我有70多天的时间都依赖这个药。现在我開始睡的很好，感谢超乎我所求所想的的改變，医治。

我真感激，在Pierrepont得到有福的確據又享受了一下下浸在主愛的甜蜜。營會前三天我們學習、重溫唯有上帝是被造人的中心。老師分析我們的關係被破壞常常因為誤信謊言丶認知盲點。邪惡勢力在我長大過程中滲透我的內心。但耶酥來，就是要帶來上帝的國度，並治好了那些急需要治療的人，像我這樣被抑鬱症和對死亡恐懼捆綁的人。第四天，分組。我們六、七個人加一個受過療癒培訓的組長，鼓勵大家在保護隱私的前提下互相承認自己的錯，Bhim, 一個印度來的男生，他從六歲左右就讀寄宿學校，對原生家庭父子情似乎既漠然又痛楚、回避。他說他從不哭，除非是他剛剛一歲的獨生子哭鬧不給他睡。很有經驗、智慧的組長開始講故事：前一周在＂療癒特會Healing Services ＂的會場，有個六英呎高的大漢，也是受原生家庭的影響而從不能哭，雖然那人想要從眼淚得療癒但怎麼也哭不出來。我們的組長, Manuella Okwue, 在那個聖潔的會場開始迫切禱告醫治釋放降臨他心里;結果十五分鐘內那大漢開始流淚而且泣不成聲。我們的Bhim作出半信半疑的態度，而那一刻我也不敢相信，其實內心深處我知道當時的大問題之一是我已經一年多流不出眼淚，但小信的我暗自說：就算你Manuella有本事用几句譸告使那英國大漢哭，因為文化的差異你也不可能讓這樣的事情發生在我身上。我也不知道自己為什麼有那麼多負面的想法，但我將此事牢牢記住。素不知，上帝選擇用幸福的暖流浸泡我的心，變石心為肉心。等不到十八個小時，意外的驚喜發生了。我永遠不會忘記，那是一個周五晨九點半開始的例常的禮拜。因為周日有療癒特會所以正常禮拜改周五 (officially, it is called the “Friday Morning Communion Services”. See photo attached)。禮拜會場布置聖潔溫馨，大家三面環繞圍坐在聖歺桌子。我座在右邊第三排。

禮拜的音樂在九點半奏響，好象其中一首是 " At the Cross (Love Ran red)"。但在第一首音樂剛開始不到10秒钟，一股强烈的暖流充满我，感動我的心，不由自主地想哭。我意識到那可能是上帝的靈要感動我，告訴我祂與我同在。我就放松下來，告訴自己想哭就哭，反正周圍的人不會笑我。大約有30到40分钟，我不能止住眼泪，幸福的眼泪。这次旅程之前我有一年半的时间不能流泪，并不是我没有试过。但在那一天，一年半的第一次，眼淚泡我的心，讓它柔软下来，就好像将一个石心变成了肉心。

这些泪水比强力的药还要有效，能够在30分钟内洗去聚集我心一年半的羞耻，内疚和恐惧。也许更奇妙的是，因为Pierrepont的经历, 我开始理解属灵的层面。人际关系的冲突，不论是工作场所还是别的地方，都是属灵争战的表现，就像哥林多后书（10:4-5）所讲的，“我们争战的兵器本不是属血气的，乃是在神面前有能力，可以攻破坚固的营垒， 5 将各样的计谋、各样拦阻人认识神的那些自高之事，一概攻破了，又将人所有的心意夺回，使它都顺服基督。”職場課程教导我们成熟的第一步是认识自我。我现在明白对自我的认识必须包括属灵的认识。我们必须意识到我们周围灵界的争战，通过这样的意识才能听到神微小的声音。最后的这部分是我最宝贵的得着。虽然现在工作中的人的问题还在，而且在一定程度上更坏，但我现在可以从一个属灵的角度来面对。我在学习将平安扎根在相信，“因为那在你们里面的，比那在世界上的更大。1 John 4:4“ 的确，我们有至高真神，能攻破頑固营垒，挣脱锁链，释放我們脱茧而出。

Guardian Angels in Psalm 91

Angels described in Psalm 91

Psalm 91:5 5 You will not dread the terrors that haunt the night     or enemy arrows that fly in the day  
6 Or the plagues that lurk in darkness     or the disasters that wreak havoc at noon. 7 A thousand may fall on your left,     ten thousand may die on your right,     but these horrors won’t come near you. 8 Only your eyes will witness     the punishment that awaits the evil,     but you will not suffer because of it. 9 For you made the Eternal [your][a] refuge,     the Most High your only home. 10 No evil will come to you;     plagues will be turned away at your door. 11 He will command His heavenly messengers to guard you,     to keep you safe in every way. 12 They will hold you up in their hands     so that you will not crash, or fall, or even graze your foot on a stone.[b] 13 You will walk on the lion and the cobra;     you will trample the lion and the serpent underfoot. 14 “Because he clings to Me in love,     I will rescue him from harm;     I will set him above danger. Because he has known Me by name, 15 He will call on Me, and I will answer.     I’ll be with him through hard times;     I’ll rescue him and grant him honor. 16 I’ll reward him with many good years on this earth     and let him witness My salvation.”     to keep you safe in every way. And perspectives in 90: 3 You turn people back to dust,     saying, “Go back to the dust, children of Adam.” 4 For You a thousand years is like a day when it is over,     a watch during the night;     there is no difference to You. 5-6 You release the waters of death to sweep mankind away in his slumber.     In the morning, we are blades of grass, Growing rapidly under the sun but withering quickly;     yet in the evening, we fade and die, soon to be cut down. 7 For Your anger has consumed us.     Your wrath has shaken us to the core     and left us deeply troubled. 8 You have written our offenses before You—     the light of Your presence shines brightly on our secret sins,     and we can’t run or hide. 9 For all our days are spent beneath Your wrath;     our youth gives way to old age, and then     one day our years come to an end with a sigh. 10 We may journey through life for 70 years;     some may live and breathe 80 years—if we are strong. Yet our time here is only toil and trouble;     soon our days are gone, and we fly away. 11 Who can truly comprehend the power unleashed by Your anger?     Your wrath matches the fear that is due to You. 12 Teach us to number our days     so that we may truly live and achieve wisdom. 13 How long will we wait here alone?     Return, O Eternal One, with mercy.     Rescue Your servants with compassion. 14 With every sun’s rising, surprise us with Your love,     satisfy us with Your kindness.     Then we will sing with joy and celebrate every day we are alive. 15 You have spent many days afflicting us with pain and sorrow;     now match those with years of unspent joy. 16 Let Your work of love be on display for all Your servants;     let Your children see Your majesty. 17 And then let the beauty and grace of the Lord—our God—rest upon us

Guard my heart against daily laxity and hassles

Luke 21: 34 So be careful. Guard your hearts. They can be made heavy with moral laxity, with drunkenness, with the hassles of daily life. Then the day I’ve been telling you about might catch you unaware and trap you. 35 Because it’s coming—nobody on earth will escape it. 36 So you have to stay alert, praying that you’ll be able to escape the coming trials so you can stand tall in the presence of the Son of Man.

Press Forward to Be Like Christ and Forgetting what's Behind

I got a call this morning at 10:30, Carrie informed me that  "Algorithms and the translations of them to code are not as strong as desired. Therefore I did not pass" 我感覺我的努力不被接受。我因上帝拒絕了我的祈禱而失望。 Acts 20:24 我却不以性命为念，也不看为宝贵，只要行完我的路程，成就我从主耶稣所领受的职事，证明神恩惠的福音。 -使徒行传 20:24 Phil 3:13-14 Keep Going Forward 12 这不是说，我已经得着了，已经完全了。我乃是竭力追求，或者可以得着基督耶稣所以得着我的。（所以得着我的或作所要我得的） 12 Not that I did already obtain, or have been already perfected; but I pursue, if also I may lay hold of that for which also I was laid hold of by the Christ Jesus; 12 Not that I have already attained this - that is, I have not already been perfected - but I strive to lay hold of that for which Christ Jesus also laid hold of me. 13 弟兄们，我不是以为自己已经得着了。我只有一件事，就是忘记背后努力面前的， 13 brethren, I do not reckon myself to have laid hold; and one thing -- the things behind indeed forgetting, and to the things before stretching forth -- 13 Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself to have attained this. Instead I am single-minded: Forgetting the things that are behind and reaching out for the things that are ahead, 14 向着标竿直跑，要得神在基督耶稣里从上面召我来得的奖赏。 14 to the mark I pursue for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus. 14 with this goal in mind, I strive toward the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.

Run from temptation, run from VG (as suggested by Victor W)

Two days ago, I violated my resolve to relate to family using the Heart of Jesus, gentle and humble.

First, I said direct words to Shuyi
Second, I criticized VG.

Jesus, please guide my heart to be like Yours.

Still, I am yet to hear from Carrie Bookstein.

Proverbs 13:12-14

12 Hope deferred makes the heart sick,
    but a desire fulfilled is a tree of life.
13 Whoever despises the word[a] brings destruction on himself,
    but he who reveres the commandment (chasing after God) will be rewarded.
14 The teaching of the wise is a fountain of life,
    that one may turn away from the snares of death.

WHAT CAN I GIVE HIM?
by Christina Rossetti

"What can I give Him,
Poor as I am?
If I were a shepherd
I would bring a lamb,
If I were a wise man
I would do my part.
Yet what can I give Him?
Give my heart."

我的危機： 窮極逼變

今天的靈修中，我自己定自己的罪。我有禍大了，兒子也不想搭理我，我的霸道使太太傷心到極點。  窮極逼變, 改變從禱告開始，為一顆柔和謙卑的心來禱告

Proverbs 13:2-3

2 You will be well rewarded     for saying something kind, but all some people think about     is how to be cruel and mean. 3 Keep what you know to yourself,     and you will be safe;     talk too much,     and you are done for.

The challenge today: Luke 16:

8 The master praised his dishonest manager for looking out for himself so well. That’s how it is! The people of this world look out for themselves better than the people who belong to the light.

9 My disciples, I tell you to use wicked wealth to make friends for yourselves. Then when it is gone, you will be welcomed into an eternal home. 10 Anyone who can be trusted in little matters can also be trusted in important matters. But anyone who is dishonest in little matters will be dishonest in important matters. 11 If you cannot be trusted with this wicked wealth, who will trust you with true wealth? 12 And if you cannot be trusted with what belongs to someone else, who will give you something that will be your own? 

13 You cannot be the slave of two masters. You will like one more than the other or be more loyal to one than to the other. You cannot serve God and money.

2017: first 100 days review

Tay told Shuyi and I that he was confused by his life and is spending a good chunk of time questioning himself.

Should I also question and reflect on myself: how have things progressed since 1/1/2017 to now, 102 days in total?

First of all, what did I set out to accomplish? That is in the slide below.

However, new surprises took over the show:

1. During morning devotion, I felt pushed to commit myself into these Keystone Habits:
1. Make bed in the morning
2. Swim in the morning 
2. I became HV and IOMMU dev lead
3. nVidia and G invited me to interview. The G interview required studying Algorithmv4 and "Programming Pearls".
4. College dream for Tracy. To date, she made F.A.C.E at Del Norte HS, securing a spot in UCLA. She is aiming at Linguistics major at MIT or U of M.

2017 Plans:

Theme: slow down to create margin that I use to pass on the comfort from the God of All Comfort to suffering souls needing healing prayers. 去安慰那遭各样患难的人。

1.Sharpen the Saw

–Sharpen planning skill: create plans but only in War Room

–Discipline internet usage

–Model Zuckerberg to read 2 book/paper a month with one technical

2.Financial

–Increase the total job income by ~5% from $245K to $280K

–Pay 13 months of 30 year mortgage

–Allocate savings: switch to simple ETFs, trailing loss protected

–Just in case: Get life $1.5M insurance (cost: ~1700 / year)

3.Career

a)Teach ARMv8 Architecture Overview from the POV of Snapdragon Access Control   (dropped in favor of c)

b)Step through the code of QHEE, ARM TF and OP TEE

c)Nail down stable HEE and HAL IOMMU APIs

4.Relationships Family and Church

–Complete Stephen Ministry 2nd Course

•Focus: “Assertiveness freeing me to tell the truth with discretion and love:  DESC practices on Taylor 12 times”, describe, explain feeling, specify change, with a consequnce

–FaceTime with dad twice a week  including prayer.

–100 family devotion or twice a week

活出卓越

卓越的定义是什么？怎样算是卓越的人生？ 请分享卓越人生的例子。可以是圣经人物，历史人物，或你认识的家人朋友。 Desmond Doss in Hacksaw Ridge. 你有哪些方面可以向着卓越的方向努力？ 专注于自己的呼召，不断提升