我为此要恒切祷告
Tuesday, August 18, 2015
Friday, August 14, 2015
埃流之行Ellel Pierrepont 的收获
In retrospect, I am blessed with these goodies from this session in Pierrepont:
- dropped the antidepressant Rx drug, Rameron 30mg with tolerable side effects lasting 2 to 3 days. I had been dependent on it over the last 90 days since 5/16/15, for mood and sleep. For 2 or 3 times I forgot the dosage and suffered bad effects. So I am very grateful this time it worked. The problem of taking Rameron is that I have numb sensations through the day. But it does help controlling anxiety and help with concentration n sleep.
Now I am Rameron free, I thus far sleep and feel better stronger too
- in 3 occasions while in Pierrepont, I came to know that the Holy Spirit was bestowed on me albeit for vary amount of time. Friday 10 seconds into worship time at 9:45, I suddenly felt strong joy peace, could not hold back tears for ~30 minutes. If you know me, you would understand that I have been advised by my doctors and therapists to cry when I am in the middle of pain sadness and depression, which was true for the past 1.5 years. But I tried with no avail. My heart seemed to be gripped by fears and worries. A stone could not weep even though I had emotional turmoil on and off with some deep hurts and self hatred in the 1.5 years. Finally, I felt heart softens and my tears washed away some deep shame anguish fears, sad feelings.
On Jesus Heal Saturday I lined up to receive prayer ministry. I was going to ask for peace prayers. Then a strong feeling convicted me: you should ask for the increase of appetite for devotions. So I did and it brought me lasting peace that day. Similar thing happened on Tuesday: I felt led to request prayers on relationship to Taylor. The prayer minister was Ian the husband of Pierrepont housekeeper Sue from South Africa. Ian is the perfect match for my issue because he had 15 years healing his loss of one daughter when she was 18. He relied on alcohol. But then Sue prayed for him 10+ years he eventually born again. Then he could cry for the first time for his daughter who died at 18. He then spent another 5+ years in prayers and mending relationship with second daughter.
- conversed for >4hours with a few good men during my 3 extended days. I felt freedom to share most shameful dark side in me, and asked for ideas how to defeat anxiety if it comes back. Richard Fila suggested to rely on my identity as God's beloved, and not count on myself
We continue to spurt each other on via email
Saturday, August 8, 2015
Tuesday, August 4, 2015
Healing story from David Booth
The Message David Booth received ~18 months ago:
He had been critical to himself. His dad was harsh on him from 4 to ~18 year of age.
Before that he suffered anxiety, very fearful of things, like the spirit of fear constantly grab hold of him. From time to time, he felt fearful anxious as if he would be punished in similar way as when he was a boy.
"how can you oppress yourself, how can you keep punishing yourself continuously, for the same punishment I already took for you?"
David was deeply touched. For three 2 to 3 weeks, he lived in owe mediating on the above message.
After these 3 weeks, he felt freedom like never before, and life became so much enjoyment, like a big rock off his shoulder.
The spirit of fear can no longer enter his heart. The bondage is gone.
什么时候我也可以得到一句类似的话,来打破里面的恐惧的论断的灵?
Sunday, August 2, 2015
困境中更加顺服与听从
In Ellel Pierrepont
当我感觉一团漆黑，心中软弱，我更要顺服圣经的话，更加听从牧长属灵伙伴
Isaiah 50 The Servant Perseveres
4 主耶和华赐我受教者的舌头，使我知道怎样用言语扶助疲乏的人。主每早晨提醒，提醒我的耳朵，使我能听，像受教者一样。
4 The sovereign Lord has given me the capacity to be his spokesman, so that I know how to help the weary. He wakes me up every morning; he makes me alert so I can listen attentively as disciples do.
5 主耶和华开通我的耳朵，我并没有违背，也没有退后。
5 The sovereign Lord has spoken to me clearly; I have not rebelled, I have not turned back.
6 人打我的背，我任他打。人拔我腮颊的胡须，我由他拔。人辱我吐我，我并不掩面。
6 I offered my back to those who attacked, my jaws to those who tore out my beard; I did not hide my face from insults and spitting.
7 主耶和华必帮助我，所以我不抱愧。我硬着脸面好像坚石，我也知道我必不至蒙羞。
7 But the sovereign Lord helps me, so I am not humiliated. For that reason I am steadfastly resolved; I know I will not be put to shame.
8 称我为义的与我相近。谁与我争论，可以与我一同站立。谁与我作对，可以就近我来。
8 The one who vindicates me is close by. Who dares to argue with me? Let us confront each other! Who is my accuser? Let him challenge me!
9 主耶和华要帮助我。谁能定我有罪呢？他们都像衣服渐渐旧了，为蛀虫所咬。
9 Look, the sovereign Lord helps me. Who dares to condemn me? Look, all of them will wear out like clothes; a moth will eat away at them.
10 你们中间谁是敬畏耶和华听从他仆人之话的。这人行在暗中，没有亮光，当倚靠耶和华的名，仗赖自己的神。
10 Who among you fears the Lord? Who obeys his servant? Whoever walks in deep darkness, without light, should trust in the name of the Lord and rely on his God.
11 凡你们点火用火把围绕自己的。可以行在你们的火焰里，并你们所点的火把中。这是我手所定的。你们必躺在悲惨之中。
11 Look, all of you who start a fire and who equip yourselves with flaming arrows, walk in the light of the fire you started and among the flaming arrows you ignited! This is what you will receive from me: you will lie down in a place of pain.
Murray Dixon Sunday message
From New Zealand
1970 spoke in tongue, a hunger for the Word
His dad is my dad
Gen 1,2
Rev 21,22
God is all about relationship
Winning super of the Lamb
Covenants is all about relationship
Every convenient has a promise a catuba in Hebrew
A bride's price
Jets mosh chop 36:37: the new convenant
We accepted Christ to enter the New Convenant, with full access to the father's table
My job is to prepare myself just like the bride
That is my identity
Matt 22 the parable of the wedding banquet
A man without the wedding garnet is thrown out
Isaiah 61:10 10 我因耶和华大大欢喜，我的心靠神快乐。因他以拯救为衣给我穿上，以公义为袍给我披上，好像新郎戴上华冠，又像新妇佩戴妆饰。
Malachi's
You are rubbing me by not tithing.
Test me and see what I can do.
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