為ARCH REVIEW禱告

今天中午我領軍AC and VMM arch review.

Please give me the choice words, God.

Pray for the whole team especially AT and SH, BD and MG SM to excel in the large engineering effort.

Pray for Allan and KY that they find blessings in what they do.

Pray for wisdom in me to manage the 2.5 hours like a faithful stewart 

Give me the wisdom to field questions with love and understanding, 

大邑县新源劳改煤矿

from this site:
http://www.rongshuxia.com/chapter/bookid-6008217-chapterid-98495.html

Repost an Old Diary 1/27/2007 Seven Steps to Heal Damaged Emothings

Since childhood I have an enemy named "Tender Spots".

It has been more than a year since he attached me. But he strikes back in

the openning weeks of 2007.

D. Briggs taught the effective 7 steps of fighting tender spots. Use it, and

the transcending power of creative imagination, I shall overcome. Because I

have some winning experience in this battle field.

1.        Accept the current setback.
1. Accept the bad feelings. I failed miserably, shamefully on Jan 11's speech "ABCs of R&D Project Management". I accumulated even more debt when I broke my own rules (by checking in a bad pssim change). I felt ashamed by Shawn's insult.
2. How could I be so reckless at the Toastermasters?
3. How could I be so greedy to check in little changes two hours after Jignesh sent out the email to stop checking in?
4. How could I be late to Gary's performance review preparation meeting? How more stupid could I possibly be?
2. Fully embrace my unique feelings. Yes, even bad ones.
1. I can't believe I easily gave away my Toastmaster achievements of 2006. I ought know better about rehearsals. I ought know better "first things first". Rather than "getting involved with 1.2.1 merge", I should have spent the day on HL for MoB?
2.  How more stupid could I be! How useless! How \em stubborn! How weak! How short-of-discipline! How childish! How immature! How imprisoned I am by work! How imprisoned I am by guilt!
3. How could I aimlessly spent time to catch up work yet ignoring Shuyi, Tracy, Taylor and Dad, let alone friends! Let alone church, let alone cell group to which I am the lead.
3. Draw the link between current over-reaction-feelings with childhood traumas.
1. Dad came on Dec 26, 2006. He has lots of "debts" (in the moral sense as discussed in chapter 2 of the book, Healing for Damaged Emotions by David A. Seamands).
2. He and mom used guilt-trips to bring up me and Ling.
3. My childhood had a great deal of emotional damages.
4. Recall the past events. Recall as many details as I can. Relive it. Embrace it.
1. Name one: my mistake to overturn the portable propane stove.
2. I was verbaly abused at age of 8. I kneeled on washing board. My cry for mercy and help was ignored with dad's stone-walled face.
3. He had no emotional capacity to feel what I felt. I got no tender love from my earthly father.
5. Let the pain be felt as if it happens today.
1. It was bad. Very painful. To have no tender love from dad.
2. I longed for his love. I got nothing from dad.
3. I felt so cold when he was around.
4. He sighed all the time. He laid in bed, sighing. He was totaly occupied with his own emotional pain.
5. There was hardly any emotional interaction, other than cold spells from him.
6. I much rather spent time at other's homes. I can't believe that I had no desire to be home. My desire was for emotional closeness.
7. I desired for intimacy. I didn't get any. I was rejected. I was dejected.
8. Ni Zhe Ge Chu Shen! Nie Zhang! Chu Sheng! Mei Yong De Dong Xi. SHen Ni, NI Shi Lai Yao Wo Meng De Ming De! Wo Shang Bei ZI Zhou Liao Shen Mo Ye Wo! GO kill yourself!
9. I felt so unfair! I hated him!
6. Change the script so as to forgive him. How could I ?
1. I supposed he could have told me his dad: never spent much time with his dad. Grandpa was always doing business out of town or in Communist's jail.
2. His childhood was tradgic. Worse than a tragedy. It was a night mare.
3. He asked for my understanding. He told me that mom was a God sent to lift up us. He loves me.
4. He wanted to pay back his debt. He learnt how to cook to express his remorse. He did chores for Ling. He is doing chores for me.
5. He told me that he can't express his love to me in words. So he does it in actions. Amen!Praise the Lord. Thank you dad!
7. Go out to have some recreations. Keep in mind such over-reactive-feelings may re-occur!

Late last night, I began to wonder: why dad had no emotional capacity to feel what I felt?

 

1. I thought about his dad, my grandpa. Grandpa spent from 1951 to 1976 in Chinese Gulag, in a coal mine 四川省大邑县新源劳改煤矿 (现新源监狱）. Dad was devasted and deprived of fatherly love himself.
1. Worse, he witnessed grandpa's mock execution. That scared dad to death at age of 9. Talking about emotinal damage!
2. The above thoughts about my dear grandpa, whom I saw twice only when I was 9, warmed my heart in that fateful night. I no longer felt dejected. I know there were good reasons for my emotional starvations in my childhood.
3. Praise the Lord. I overcame my bitterness for my emotional starvations in my childhood.
4. But, what are the purposes of my current emotional struggles at work? My feelings of anxiety due to too many things to complete, my feeling of not being respected, my feelings of, occasionaly, panic?
5. I believe the purposes are:
1. to teach me self-control;
2. to teach me how to persever;
3. to teach me to be still and wait on the Lord to right my wrongs.

 

PS。 Post about 四川省大邑县新源劳改煤矿 from

http://3g.kdnet.net/index.php?boardid=1&id=7823076&t=topic-show

 

 

宜珙铁路修了五年，终于在1970年4月份，全线通车。我们是祭祀的猪羊，任人宰割，权力者早已安排了我们的命运。
一大队的就业人员，调往四川省大邑县新源劳改煤矿。五月份的一天，我们又被武裝公安兵押上了焖罐车厢。真幽默，自己修的铁路，首通便是乘坐这头班车被武裝押送！
我们被押送到成都火车北站，十四年前由重庆劳教转运站押往眉山沙石大队时的旧景重現。
凌晨，大坝已停满了数十辆解放牌大卡车，解放军、公安兵、民兵、造反派武裝，全付武装，荷枪实弹，将我们围了个水泄不通。当道处还架设了重機关枪，對着我们。省公安厅、温江公安处、大邑县公安局的警车、摩托，密密麻麻列成一条长龍。
快速将我们押上大卡车，摩托十幾辆前行开路，卡车在中间，后有警车架着重機枪。警笛长鳴，浩浩荡荡，沿着温江公路驶去。人行道上，圍观者人头攒动，发表议论：这些人是七类分子押到山里面去挖煤炭的”。
有极左者大声呼喊：“打倒牛鬼蛇神！”
就业人員按捺不住怒火，大声以粗话回骂：“老子是日你妈、日你女、日你姐儿妹子！才不是去挖煤炭的！”居高临下，将唾液向下面路人吐去。群众投掷石子，我们将饅头向他们砸去。相互骂声不绝。前车驶过，后车接着对骂，並将吃剩的干粮掷在路人脸上。我们哈哈大笑！车速很快，那些“左派群众”把我们无可奈何。
下午4时左右，到达大邑县新源煤矿。海拨一千多米。我们一千多名就业人员，分发到３个大队（3个井区）。我们38中队，被分到一大队，又打散，将人員分到各採煤中队，由他们老手帶新手下井作业。
新源煤矿全部是刑满就业人员，多数人是５0年代便被判刑，送崇庆县萬家山劳改煤矿,刑满便转到新源煤矿。这新源煤矿已有３0幾年历史。解放前也是劳改场所。我们由“四一五”调来的人，呼他们为老犯人。住宿是砖木结构，有食堂（兼礼堂）。
井口到驻地是有三千多级石梯组成，进井到採煤工作区，要走10几里路。繁重劳动，极其危險。第一天下井，便因冒頂埋死一名新手。井下隨时发生事故，受伤是家常便飯。二大队瓦斯爆炸，幸好是星期日，死了五名检修人員。
工作有定额，完成后才能出井。有管班，老就业人员担任，有大、小班长（所谓靠拢政府的就业人員）。公安队长換班下井巡查，各个管理环節絲絲入扣。公安中有留用解放前夕在这矿管犯人的警察。每日工作要10幾个小时完成。遇着硬口，挖不动，要幾天幾夜才出得了井。我就曾两日两夜才出井，进井时自帶的干粮（玉米饃），在井下便硬如石头，无水干嚥下。
历来称呼煤矿工为“煤黑子”、“黑鬼”，埋了没有死，兩片石头夾片肉，不知死在那一天？
另有民办小煤窑，瓦斯爆炸，死＋一人。我们前去观看，惨不忍睹。
他们的今天便是我们的明天

Today's story to share with My Favorite

2 cor 5 is this my goal: to be found acceptable in Christ?

9 所 以 無 論 是 住 在 身 內 、 離 開 身 外 、 我 們 立 了 志 向 、 要 得 主 的 喜 悅 。

14 For the love of Christ constraineth us; because we thus judge, that if one died for all, then were all dead:
15 並 且 他 替 眾 人 死 、 是 叫 那 些 活 著 的 人 、 不 再 為 自 己 活 、 乃 為 替 他 們 死 而 復 活 的 主 活 。		15 And that he died for all, that they which live should not henceforth live unto themselves, but unto him which died for them, and rose again.
16 所 以 我 們 從 今 以 後 、 不 憑 著 外 貌 〔 原 文 作 內 體 本 節 同 〕 認 人 了 ． 雖 然 憑 著 外 貌 認 過 基 督 、 如 今 卻 不 再 這 樣 認 他 了 。		16 Wherefore henceforth know we no man after the flesh: yea, though we have known Christ after the flesh, yet now henceforth know we him no more.
17 若 有 人 在 基 督 裡 、 他 就 是 新 造 的 人 ． 舊 事 已 過 、 都 變 成 新 的 了 。		17 Therefore if any man be in Christ,he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new.
18 一 切 都 是 出 於 　 神 、 他 藉 著 基 督 使 我 們 與 他 和 好 、 又 將 勸 人 與 他 和 好 的 職 分 賜 給 我 們 ．		18 And all thingsare of God, who hath reconciled us to himself by Jesus Christ, and hath given to us the ministry of reconciliation;

Fatherhood Wisdom vs Godly Sorrow

I lashed out because of frustration at work and at disorganized kitchen on Shuyi and Taylor two days ago. Smashed oven door and a pot of water.

Yelled at Taylor for his attitude of accusations. I dug oiut the tradh to prove that i did not throw away his food.

2 Corin  618 我 要 作 你 們 的 父 、 你 們 要 作 我 的 兒 女 。 』 這 是 全 能 的 主 說 的 。

Needless to say i repent in frontnof Shuyi and Taylor.

2 Cor 7 

9 Now I rejoice, not that ye were made sorry, but that ye sorrowed to repentance: for ye were made sorry after a godly manner, that ye might receive damage by us in nothing.
10 因 為 依 著 　 神 的 意 思 憂 愁 、 就 生 出 沒 有 後 悔 的 懊 悔 來 、 以 致 得 救 ． 但 世 俗 的 憂 愁 、 是 叫 人 死 。		10 For godly sorrow worketh repentance to salvation not to be repented of: but the sorrow of the world worketh death.
11 你 看 、 你 們 依 著 　 神 的 意 思 憂 愁 、 從 此 就 生 出 何 等 的 慇 懃 、 自 訴 、 自 恨 、 恐 懼 、 想 念 、 熱 心 、 責 罰 ． 〔 或 作 自 責 〕 在 這 一 切 事 上 你 們 都 表 明 自 己 是 潔 淨 的 。		11 For behold this selfsame thing, that ye sorrowed after a godly sort, what carefulness it wrought in you, yea,what clearing of yourselves, yea,what indignation, yea, what fear, yea,what vehement desire, yea, whatzeal, yea, whatrevenge! In allthings ye have approved yourselves to be clear in this matter.